Last Interview

We have finally had our last interview with the SW.  Thank goodness. We sure were getting sick of answering the same questions over and over again.  The questions are quite invasive and quite detail oriented and a lot of them irrelevant. Don't get me wrong, she is a lovely lady and all but boy we both just felt so tired of it all.  Anyway, we are waiting now to sign off on our home study (that could take another 2 weeks) and then on to the next step to complete our dossier (not sure what those steps are).  We still have to take a few more courses and join an association that will be a support network for us.  I am thankful for that.  She also recommended a book for us to read called, Connected Kids.  She said it is a practical book  and that is always good to have on ones' shelf.  So there is a bit of a sigh of relief now but there are definitely going to be challenges ahead.

X's Interview

Little Man had his visit with the SW.  It was really cute.  I told him that she was coming to play with him and to talk about  his possible future siblings.  So I think he was quite happy to have someone down on the ground who was going to play trains with him.  I was so proud of my guy's guy who wouldn't reveal his four year old feelings to just anybody (assuming he has ANY feelings at all about the adoption situation other than excitement).    She kept asking him questions like, "You are going to have to share your mommy.  How do you think that will make you feel?"  And my son would look at her pause and then say something like, "Well, this train here is diesel train and it can go slowly through crossings..." I mean he is talking about his feelings. It is just that most of his feelings revolve around trucks and trains. 

4th Interview

We had the fourth interview with the SW.  This time around it was about our parenting style and about our relationship.  All in all, I think it went alright.  Ben and I both felt that we had been to a marriage counselor after the session.  She even asked us to rate our marriage on a scale of one to ten.  At that point, I spoke up and said that that was a really horrible question.  Who has a perfect 10 anyway?  We got out of answering that.  I am still mad about that question.  The questions do seem a bit redundant and one does tire of the same questions formulated differently and asked a 100 different ways.  We have finished the course work and have to write the essay and then we should be close to complete.  It will be closer to five months that to four to complete this darn thing.

This Thursday Nov. 3rd, she will be interviewing X.  I wonder how that will go. 

Welcome News!

Today I phoned the adoption agency and it seems that though we are not home study ready, we can still apply to immigration.  As we intend to adopt from Ghana, we may begin the process. This is welcome news as I was feeling so much like things were lagging and that there was nothing I could do to move forward.  But now onward we go!

Third Visit

We survived the third visit which was talking about our childhood.  Actually, my childhood was wonderful so it was really nothing.  The only disappointing thing about it all was that we still have three more interviews.  I THOUGHT we only had ONE left.  It really is an agonizing process.  We are three months into the process, half way, and who knows how long it will take to get three more interviews.  It is really discouraging.  I know, at least, in some states in the US, they only have to do about half the interviews we have to do. What remains is talking about parenting, our marriage, and adoption.

Second Interview

Last night's home study visit went well.  I felt a lot more comfortable.  The discussion was about our community and our finances.  Our finances are in order so that wasn't much of an issue.  She didn't want to know any specific numbers or anything just about our spending habits.  I thought she would look over everything with a fine toothed comb.  But, it turns out, it is just very general questions.  As for our community and our religious community, we are not very active.  We don't participate in any church events and we don't really know anyone in our church community. We told her we attend the Latin Mass on occasion for special feasts etc but that our little Xavi didn't appreciate it very much :)  She also wanted to know just how religious we were- was it central to our lives?  She will be interviewing us separately next and would also like to speak with Xavi.  That will be interesting.  Now we just have to get ourselves motivated to do our adoption courses and get our two page essay done.  Both Ben and I feel like this whole thing isn't going to happen.  But I hope that God will continue to guide us and re-inforce what we are setting out to do or make it very clearly impossible to do.   The home study feels like a lull in the whole process.  She did ask some  questions about the future of our children that I hadn't considered, mostly because I am not sure if this adoption will ever come to fruition. 

Date #2

On September 12th, we have our next date with the social worker.  It is so nice that things keep moving.  There was definitely a lull after that first appointment.

Our First Visit With the Social Worker

Our first visit went well.  The social worker was very nice. Ben was calm, friendly and cracking jokes.  Good jokes.  I was nervous and intense.  Quite funny.  I guess I feel intense about it all so that is what I conveyed.  The next interview is about our community.  So that won't be difficult.  It is the relationship one that we are both dreading.  It will probably be good for us to hash through a few things.  But ugh! it isn't going to be fun talking about how we resolve conflicts etc.  So personal.  Anyway, it is a long process and it isn't going to happen fast enough no matter how prepared I am.

An Interview

One of the requirements of the adoption courses we are taking is interviewing a family about their personal adoption experiences.  How fun it was for me to discover that one of my college classmates had adopted four children from China.  Paul's wife Kimberlie was kind enough to oblige me and tell me all about the realities of adoption.  It was nice to hear, in some ways, that there will be many challenges to face at the beginning (by beginning read first 2-3 years).  It is pretty difficult to fight a romantic view of adoption.  After all, it is kind of romantic to help an orphan and to give them shelter and to love them.  But it is also good to be reminded that you are dealing with a human soul in all its complexity.  And though you want to bond immediately with your child, this is unlikely to happen.  One always thinks about the child struggling to attach to a new family but the reality is the parent may have problems attaching to their adoptive child as well. A scary thought but something one must be prepared for or at least know that it is a possibility. Anyway, thank you Kimberlie for your time and your insights.

Our First Appointment

On August 16th, we have our first appointment with the social worker.  It will be nice to get the home study completed so we can move on with the adoption process.  The courses are going to provide for some interesting conversations around our home.  Like the one we had on discipline-
Ben: You don't discipline X.
Me: At all?
Ben: Blank stare.
Well, that is something to start seriously thinking about.