Hurrah!!!!!

Today the F.ed E.x guy came and delivered our adoption application.  So much trouble for so little paper.  Oh well, now we have to go back to the dr. for another evaluation.  We had to do one for the homestudy as well.  It will be so nice to get our dossier together, send it off and have the ball in their court.

Picked Up

Our adoption application has been picked up in Africa by F.ed E.X.  MK you are my hero!

We Got It!

Life is sometimes so amazing.  God knows I am weak and easily discouraged.  He knows that He will have to guide me and pave the way.  He knows that, in the end,  it is up to Him whether we can make this adoption happen.  So far, He has been very easy on me.  Through a friend of a friend's brother, I am going to get my application.  I just came back from wiring him the money, which was also super easy, and now I wait til I have to send Fed Ex to pick it up.  It's funny how it wasn't the people who I thought could help that helped.  It was a long shot and my last resort when I contacted a friend of a friend's brother.  I met this lady at my son's preschool and haven't known her very long.  I was hesitant to contact her friend.  I also contacted nine adoption agencies to try and get the application. In the end, it was the most unlikely connection that got us the application. The way that seemed to me to be the most difficult was actually the easiest.  That is God's way. Now I have to phone Fed Ex and set up a pick up time.

Fax

Today, a miraculous day because our fax went through.  This means nothing but it does mean that faxes can and sometimes will go through.  This is something to rejoice in today.

Playing Hot and Cold

Day 2 of trying to phone Africa.  I have new phone numbers this time around as I spoke with Sr. M and she gave them to me.

First phone number.  It rings and rings.  Then they say it is busy.  Fine.  I will phone the next number.
I phone the next number.

Me: Hello.
Then: Hello.
Me: HELLO!
Them: Hello?
Me: Can you hear me?  (Thought I would throw that in there to vary the conversation.)

Phone goes dead.  Hmmmmm.  OK. I try again.

Me: Hello?
Them: Hello?
Me: Can you hear me?
Them: Yes, I can.
Me: I am calling from Canada.
Them: Oh yes, (mumble, mumble)...Sr. M (mumble, mumble)
Me: Great.  We need an adoption application.
Them:  (mumble, mumble)...(mumble, mumble)
Me: I don't understand. Can you repeat that?
Them: (mumble, mumble)...(mumble, mumble)
Me: Great.  Do you have a fax number?
Them: Yes, I will get it for you.

I hear laughter and talking in the background with the occasional "fax" thrown in for good measure.  Then  the phone goes dead.  Luckily for me, they called me back and gave me the number.  So, in one week's time, I have gotten warmer.  I mean not hot but warm.  I was cold before that.  Really cold.  Now I have phone numbers.  Several, in fact. I even have a fax number.  How warm is that?  But I still don't have the adoption application.   If I had that, I would be red hot.

Adoption Application Saga

So I woke up at 3:30am this morning and called the Adoption Authority in Africa  This is how it went.

First call. 
Me: Hello.  Helloooo?

Line goes dead. I wait a few mins then call again.

Me: Hello?
G: Hello.
Me: My name is KC.  I am calling from Canada.
G: Oh yes. Let me get my boss.
G: Hello.
Me: Hello my name is KC.  I am calling from Canada.  We would like to adopt some twins from your country.
G:  Are you in 'Africa' now?
Me: No. No I am not.
G: Have you ever been to 'Africa'?
Me: No. I haven't.
G: Well you are going to have to come to 'Africa'.
Me: (Ignoring that) I need an adoption application.
G: From what region would you like to adopt?
Me: UW region.
G: UW region?
Me: Yes.
G: Well you will have to contact them in that region.
Me:  I would like to but I can't find a number for the Department of Social Welfare in that region.
G: We will look for the number.  Call us back in 10 mins.
Me: Ok. Thank you.

I call back in 10 mins. 

G:  We don't have the number yet.  Call back in another 10 mins.
Me: OK

I call back in another 15 mins.  Give them a bit of extra time.

G: We weren't able to get you the number.  It seems they have changed their numbers and we don't know how to get through.  You will have to get someone to go there and get the number.  Maybe the kids you want to adopt can go there? 

Me: OK ( I see there is no point in discussing any of this further). 

G: Will you invite me to come to Canada?

Me: Sure.  Anytime.

G: Great.  OK have a good time. 

Now I know she meant, "Have a good day."  But in light of the above situation, it is going to be a "good time" a helluva good time.  I mean what a great time to be having at 4am in the morning.

On another note, I have met a lady through my son's preschool who is a christian.  And today she told me many miracle stories about her life.  She says if you really believe, God will pave the way.  Though I know this, sometimes God sends us little reminders and speaks to us through the people in our lives.  And  I realized that I must begin praying in earnest for His guidance...whatever His will may be in all this.

The Phone Call

Today I phoned African and the call went through.  I was sitting there and just letting it ring and ring and ring.  Daydreaming sort of.  Then suddenly someone answered.  I got so excited I didn't know where to begin.  Then she informed me to phone tomorrow when her boss is available.  Around 11:30 Western African time.  Oh, that's about 3:30am our time.  I think the saying should be,  "Every silver lining has a cloud."

Official Signature

Today, Dec. 3rd, 2011, we officially signed our homestudy!

Things are Starting to Move...Finally

This weekend we will be signing off on our homestudy.  So glad this part of the process is over and we can move on to the nitty gritty of the adoption.  This next part will  prove to be much more difficult.  However, God has sent us someone who can walk us through the process and who has contacts in Africa.  She is keeping me afloat as there is no way I could navigate this alone.  She is an amazing blessing.  It is such a complicated process. I wouldn't even know where to begin.  I still don't think I understand it all.  It seems everytime I start getting a picture of what we have to do, something is added or changed. 

Not too many people know about this blog so it is safe to write that we would like to adopt two girls, twins, from Ghana.  It is a long story how we came to know of these girls and that is for another post.  But they are safe, well-cared for and not in an orphanage. When we went to the adoption agency this past week, we spent some time discussing other options. As we don't have 20-25 grand floating around, it re-affirmed that this is the only route we can take.  Though I have tried hard not to have any attachment to our girls, once you see some pics it is all over.

We would like to do this adoption independent of an adoption agency.  Today I have to phone the ministry to find out about  a letter that is required from the province.  If it is possible to attain this letter without an agency, we will cut ties with the agency.  This is due primarily to financial limitations.  We don't want to spend a ton of money to find out we can't go through with the adoption.  Though I do believe this is God's plan for us...everything seems to point to Ghana.

I have put together a little Christmas package for our African princesses.  I hope they receive it. God bless you L and L and  keep you safe.

Last Interview

We have finally had our last interview with the SW.  Thank goodness. We sure were getting sick of answering the same questions over and over again.  The questions are quite invasive and quite detail oriented and a lot of them irrelevant. Don't get me wrong, she is a lovely lady and all but boy we both just felt so tired of it all.  Anyway, we are waiting now to sign off on our home study (that could take another 2 weeks) and then on to the next step to complete our dossier (not sure what those steps are).  We still have to take a few more courses and join an association that will be a support network for us.  I am thankful for that.  She also recommended a book for us to read called, Connected Kids.  She said it is a practical book  and that is always good to have on ones' shelf.  So there is a bit of a sigh of relief now but there are definitely going to be challenges ahead.

X's Interview

Little Man had his visit with the SW.  It was really cute.  I told him that she was coming to play with him and to talk about  his possible future siblings.  So I think he was quite happy to have someone down on the ground who was going to play trains with him.  I was so proud of my guy's guy who wouldn't reveal his four year old feelings to just anybody (assuming he has ANY feelings at all about the adoption situation other than excitement).    She kept asking him questions like, "You are going to have to share your mommy.  How do you think that will make you feel?"  And my son would look at her pause and then say something like, "Well, this train here is diesel train and it can go slowly through crossings..." I mean he is talking about his feelings. It is just that most of his feelings revolve around trucks and trains. 

4th Interview

We had the fourth interview with the SW.  This time around it was about our parenting style and about our relationship.  All in all, I think it went alright.  Ben and I both felt that we had been to a marriage counselor after the session.  She even asked us to rate our marriage on a scale of one to ten.  At that point, I spoke up and said that that was a really horrible question.  Who has a perfect 10 anyway?  We got out of answering that.  I am still mad about that question.  The questions do seem a bit redundant and one does tire of the same questions formulated differently and asked a 100 different ways.  We have finished the course work and have to write the essay and then we should be close to complete.  It will be closer to five months that to four to complete this darn thing.

This Thursday Nov. 3rd, she will be interviewing X.  I wonder how that will go. 

Immigration

Today we started the immigration process.  Step 1 anyway.  We are still, at least, a month from finishing our home study but that too will come to an end.  Then the more challenging part  of the adoption process will begin.  I  pray that we continue to heed the call of God and that he shows us His Mercy along the way.

Welcome News!

Today I phoned the adoption agency and it seems that though we are not home study ready, we can still apply to immigration.  As we intend to adopt from Ghana, we may begin the process. This is welcome news as I was feeling so much like things were lagging and that there was nothing I could do to move forward.  But now onward we go!

Third Visit

We survived the third visit which was talking about our childhood.  Actually, my childhood was wonderful so it was really nothing.  The only disappointing thing about it all was that we still have three more interviews.  I THOUGHT we only had ONE left.  It really is an agonizing process.  We are three months into the process, half way, and who knows how long it will take to get three more interviews.  It is really discouraging.  I know, at least, in some states in the US, they only have to do about half the interviews we have to do. What remains is talking about parenting, our marriage, and adoption.

Second Interview

Last night's home study visit went well.  I felt a lot more comfortable.  The discussion was about our community and our finances.  Our finances are in order so that wasn't much of an issue.  She didn't want to know any specific numbers or anything just about our spending habits.  I thought she would look over everything with a fine toothed comb.  But, it turns out, it is just very general questions.  As for our community and our religious community, we are not very active.  We don't participate in any church events and we don't really know anyone in our church community. We told her we attend the Latin Mass on occasion for special feasts etc but that our little Xavi didn't appreciate it very much :)  She also wanted to know just how religious we were- was it central to our lives?  She will be interviewing us separately next and would also like to speak with Xavi.  That will be interesting.  Now we just have to get ourselves motivated to do our adoption courses and get our two page essay done.  Both Ben and I feel like this whole thing isn't going to happen.  But I hope that God will continue to guide us and re-inforce what we are setting out to do or make it very clearly impossible to do.   The home study feels like a lull in the whole process.  She did ask some  questions about the future of our children that I hadn't considered, mostly because I am not sure if this adoption will ever come to fruition. 

Date #2

On September 12th, we have our next date with the social worker.  It is so nice that things keep moving.  There was definitely a lull after that first appointment.

Garage Sale

 When we decided to adopt, we thought it would be best to sell all our baby things to raise a little money for the adoption.  How naive :) Yesterday was the garage and we raised --drum roll-- 220 dollars.  Quite funny!  Well I am still not finished selling things and hope to make a little more by selling online.  It was the hottest day of the summer, thus far, and we all got nicely toasted by the sun.  Xavi played with worms.  The worms had seen better days.

A Pet



Poor Litte Wormy



Ben looking dapper



Nagyi making a sale

Look at all the baby stuff!

Taking a break in the shade

Our First Visit With the Social Worker

Our first visit went well.  The social worker was very nice. Ben was calm, friendly and cracking jokes.  Good jokes.  I was nervous and intense.  Quite funny.  I guess I feel intense about it all so that is what I conveyed.  The next interview is about our community.  So that won't be difficult.  It is the relationship one that we are both dreading.  It will probably be good for us to hash through a few things.  But ugh! it isn't going to be fun talking about how we resolve conflicts etc.  So personal.  Anyway, it is a long process and it isn't going to happen fast enough no matter how prepared I am.

One Woman's Great Advice

I am ever greatful for the adoption blogging community.  After reading many articles about attachment and becoming a transracial family, I am thankful for this blog post He Adopted Me First.

An Interview

One of the requirements of the adoption courses we are taking is interviewing a family about their personal adoption experiences.  How fun it was for me to discover that one of my college classmates had adopted four children from China.  Paul's wife Kimberlie was kind enough to oblige me and tell me all about the realities of adoption.  It was nice to hear, in some ways, that there will be many challenges to face at the beginning (by beginning read first 2-3 years).  It is pretty difficult to fight a romantic view of adoption.  After all, it is kind of romantic to help an orphan and to give them shelter and to love them.  But it is also good to be reminded that you are dealing with a human soul in all its complexity.  And though you want to bond immediately with your child, this is unlikely to happen.  One always thinks about the child struggling to attach to a new family but the reality is the parent may have problems attaching to their adoptive child as well. A scary thought but something one must be prepared for or at least know that it is a possibility. Anyway, thank you Kimberlie for your time and your insights.

Garage Sale

We spent the weekend preparing our things for the garage sale.  It took some time to price items and sort through everything and ensure it was going to be displayed in a buy-worthy fashion down at the Quay. It was a lot of work but it is nice to know it is done and we can continue to work on our adoption courses.  I don't know how much we will gather in from our sale but at least we are creating some extra space in our home for eventual new little belongings.  Ben told me in jest that I won't be permitted near our garage sale because I will give our stuff away for cheap and he is going to make sure we don't undersell ourselves.  X's take on all of it,  "I don't want to sell our stuff."

I am trying not to think too much about the fact that I am selling all of X's things from when he was little.  It is a bit melancholic to think that a little baby will not pass by our door again but we had just five too many bins filled with baby stuff and what better time than now to rid ourselves of unnecessary things than when we are filled with the hope of buildin our family through adoption.

Our First Appointment

On August 16th, we have our first appointment with the social worker.  It will be nice to get the home study completed so we can move on with the adoption process.  The courses are going to provide for some interesting conversations around our home.  Like the one we had on discipline-
Ben: You don't discipline X.
Me: At all?
Ben: Blank stare.
Well, that is something to start seriously thinking about.

A Few Things

First off,  I finished Ray Guarendi's book.  It was great.  He is simple and to the point.  He doesn't make mountains out of molehills.  If you are considering adoption, it is well worth the read .  One thing he says is that the longer you wait to adopt the less likely it will happen. There is definitely something to be said for momentum.  When I look at my Lilypie sticker, I realize that it has been a month since we started and  we don't have much to show for it.  For me, this is a little discouraging.  Before we went on  holidays, I was so excited and motivated and now there is a bit of a lull.  However, we have done some paperwork like criminal record checks, reference letters.  Once we meet with the social worker, I think things will pick up a little, at least psychologically.

What a Great Book on Adoption

Filed

On Saturday, July 2nd we filed our homestudy application. And so begins the long process to grow our family.  We hope that  God blesses us on our way.  We know that the road will not be an easy one. There will be many stumbling blocks and many difficult moments.  We pray that God will give us the grace to persevere.